In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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