he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
