Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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