so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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