Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
