I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
