I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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