Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
