Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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