Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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