Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
