a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
