it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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