I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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