so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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