i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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