Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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