i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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