Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
