so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
