i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
