Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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