She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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