Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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