Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
