I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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