Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
