I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize