tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
