u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
