Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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