I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
