I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
