So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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