If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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