you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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