Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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