He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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