Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Farmville is her only friend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
