My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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