Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
