I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
