Kiss
Puke
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
