Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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