I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this just has baby written all over it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
