This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
