i think my mom watched the whole time
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
