I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
