Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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