Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Randomize
