One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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