Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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