I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
