6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
