I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
