GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
