You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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