Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
