you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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