it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
