Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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