HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
