I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
