Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
