why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
