remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You made out with two different species that night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
