I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
