I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
