I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
