i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
