Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
