The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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