The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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