Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
