D3 body, D1 cock
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just threw up on my dentist
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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