You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
