Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
