JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
